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Mcmaul
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
5945 Posts |
 Posted - 30/05/2012 : 17:08:28
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| Fine gentlefolk of this forum, three years ago today, I wed the most important person in my life, she was the business, and can never be replaced. As you know, the last three years have been hell, my son is in care (I have him weekends and see him throughout the week, he is autistic, but has come on loads since being "trained" by the care family he is with. I tried to cope on my own after Ally died but in the end, I had to surrender to the social services and get help. I did eventually meet another girl, and we got on great. But I started to find things out as time went on. She had huge mental health issues, and I found myself on another rollercoaster, something I was not ready for after losing my wife, three great friends, and a brother all within 18 months. We have had an erratic relationship this last year, and Emily was due to give birth on the 9th of June. Yesterday, I got a text from her mother telling me that the baby had been born, and that they were both ok. I had discussed with Emily how important it was for me to be there. I was simply discarded as an inconsideration. I haven't been to see her, or her mother, or baby. I am so angry right now, it simply isn't tenable. I texed her mother back sending my congratulations on her locating my achilees heel, and that they are welcome to him. I have spent today cleaning Allys grave to keep my mind on something. I don't think I can ever forgive the pair of them. The moment has gone, and I simply want nothing to do with any of the lot of them. I should have stayed on my own, and just got on with life. |
Curator of all things Mahogany duroplastic and Black shadow tinged. |
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thedrumcrew
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
8441 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 17:49:11
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Dug theres not much to say but the kid is the most important thing in all this. What ever they have done or upset you try and chill make time for yourself then think again with the right frame of mind.
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The next Jordan Terris Memorial Drum Festival will be Feb 24th 2013
ANY RAFFLE PRIZES WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE CLINIC
Memories are some of lifes most wonderful treasures. |
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Prog
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
21164 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 18:25:58
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| Kev's right. Now would not be the best time to go storming in but I'm sure you'll want to see your new boy/girl in due course. |
Funktion Junction, coming soon to a holiday park near you - http://www.funktionjunctionband.com |
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steveh
Advanced Contributer
Australia
5048 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 19:50:58
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Thats tough Dug, I agree that you just need to take things slow by the look of what you say.
I'm sure it will work out mate, just keep busy, as you obviously are.
We are all thinking and wishing the best for you and the little one, of course.
Cheers Steve |
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logic_user99
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
10126 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 20:41:03
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| I'm sorry to hear you're going through the mill again, Dug. Keep strong, mate. |
Drums | Cymbals | Sticks
"Starting my professional life from scratch..." |
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martydrums
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
6135 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 21:31:20
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Sorry to hear about this terrible situation Dug. I can't offer any advice other than to try to get all involved to focus on the long term interests of this new baby.
Best wishes to you, Martin
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Official Sugar Daddy of the forum's Sonor Delite appreciation society, as nominated by Jamoca - Honorary President Paul Brook
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bERb
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
2327 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 21:49:29
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| My son's had the same problem with his ex. She won't let him see the baby, won't reply to his texts etc, hasn't even put him on the birth certificate. The case is now in the hands of solicitors. Probably the only way forward Dug. |
The Geordie contingency. I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they get up in the morning that's as good as they're gonna feel all day!. dw, yammy x2 ,TD8, sabian,zildjian,paiste, protection racket.stella artois, red wine, gin & tonic (lots). |
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Mcmaul
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
5945 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 23:00:00
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| I wash my hands. They don't exist in my eyes. I have one son, and he means more to me than anyone, or anything. |
Curator of all things Mahogany duroplastic and Black shadow tinged. |
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nigelsmithson
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
1949 Posts |
Posted - 30/05/2012 : 23:33:59
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| You poor man. I have very limited personal experience of a small part of that and my heart bleeds for you. |
PDP CX, Ludwig Super Classic, Acrolite, Zildjian A, Ks, Hardcases, Yamaha DTxpress. |
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dwpaddy
Advanced Contributer
Ireland
22525 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 08:01:41
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Jesus Dug, you've really been through it.
You're a strong person, you'll get through.
You look after your little lad. As you say, he's the most important thing in your life now.
My heart goes out to you. |
DWP
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shoestring
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
2875 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 08:09:33
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I can't offer any advice Dug, all i can say is i feel for you. I could tell you of a similar situation i know happened to a good friend but it probably wouldn't help as all it did was cost him a fortune in solicitor's bills and no reward. You may be doing the right thing, see how it pans out, and in the future things could change for the better. Keep strong mate.
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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1050426 |
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Captain Bubble
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
14589 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 08:20:16
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| I cannot offer advice but sorry to hear this. Focus your energy on those around you who are worth it. |
Marcus de Mowbray
www.330studios.co.uk/marcus |
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rollingthunder
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
1842 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 13:29:14
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Hi Dug, sounds like you are having a tough time of it. I had a similar experience when I got caught up in a disastrous relationship after my wife died, although there were no children involved. Rant and rave and kick the wall, but beware of making making big decisions until the anger has passed. Get it out of your system, then reassess the situation.
Take care of yourself and your boy. He needs you.
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mully
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
23884 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 13:52:11
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quote:
Originally posted by rollingthunder
Rant and rave and kick the wall, but beware of making making big decisions until the anger has passed. Get it out of your system, then reassess the situation.
Take care of yourself and your boy. He needs you.
This. Always be careful about burning bridges, Dug. Either you or your new child may well want to come back across that bridge at some point in the future, even though you probably find that impossible to believe right now.
Stephen
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MD Fount of All Wisdom for Life and Extraordinary Amusement Officer of the forum's Sonor Delite Appreciation Society.
"Jayz mully, you're like the Django of the internet!" - scottser on the Drumming Ireland forum |
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gaz farrimond
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
11050 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 13:58:07
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Dug, all I will say on the matter is irrespective of your feelings toward your ex and her mother; I would do my utmost to have some interaction with my child.
Without going too deep, I am virtually estranged from one of my girls because of the pain and anger she carries because her mother and I broke up when she was very young, and I didn't see her for years. Once we did get back in touch, I found just getting her to start disbelieving the lies she was told whilst growing up a very, very hard mountain to climb.
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The Waterboarders
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Mcmaul
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
5945 Posts |
Posted - 31/05/2012 : 16:18:39
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| I have calmed down, only a little, mind, and went to see him before. They would not let me in. I have tried to occupy my mind refitting a flobeam into a prem 2000, like his mother, an awkward *%.?**"""!!! |
Curator of all things Mahogany duroplastic and Black shadow tinged. |
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OriginalAnimal
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
19295 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2012 : 00:05:40
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Dug, We love you.
I love you
I'm, We're here for you xxxxxxxxx
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I have no time to practice, I'm gigging. Leicester Drum Sniffers Anonymous. #17 of the 582 & 17 0f the 798 World Record Holders.
Jobeky, 2Box Drumit 5, Premier, Highwood/DM drums Paul Brook Snare, Matt Nolan cymbals, Silverstone Drum (seats) Thrones. Los Cabos drumsticks
Re Cycling drums is the future. |
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Th0mas25
Advanced Contributer
United Kingdom
8336 Posts |
Posted - 02/06/2012 : 11:29:23
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So sorry to read about this Dug, I know you've been through the mill. Thanks to your ex's behaviour, and everything you've been through so far, it probably seems easier for you to cut all ties with her and your new son, but it may well be something you'll regret in years to come. I also think for the child's sake it's important that he knows his dad, and his brother (and vice versa, I don't know how Halen's condition is now but in years to come it might be important that he knows his sibling)
The ex is obviously not behaving in a rational manner, please don't get drawn in and stoop to the same level Dug. Try to think clearly, even if it takes some time, and decide whether you want to be a part of your new son's life. If the answer is no, then remember that you still may (will?) be financially responsible, whether you see him or not. If the answer is yes, then try to speak to the ex to get some time with the baby... if she's unreasonable then bypass her and get some advice from the CAB or a solicitor to organise access, as you have every right to see your child.
I really hope, whatever happens, that you feel a little better about this when the dust settles. All the best! |
http://bjornsdrums.webs.com/ |
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