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50 Shades of...

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Yard
Advanced Contributer

Uzbekistan
5227 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 13:39:40

Croydon

#8206;..........As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****ed his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces.

Shut it and whack the poxy things!

www.vintagedrumyard.co.uk

drumdmc
Advanced Contributer

United Kingdom
5568 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 14:07:45

I use Lynx Africa

Resonators and Ufips....just beautiful. www.vintageolympic.co.uk

Rotocasting is definitely the pinnacle of cymbal manufacture!

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheUFIPCYMBALS

murphster
Excellent Contributer

United Kingdom
193 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 14:22:36

Brilliant!

murphster
Excellent Contributer

United Kingdom
193 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 14:23:43

Brilliant!

Brody
Advanced Contributer

1323 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 19:27:57

Ha! ha! top stuff!

www.myspace.com/evisorax
www.arendia.co.uk
www.myspace.com/rocklikeergon

Dan Jacobs
Excellent Contributer

150 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 20:13:25

Excellent, you should continue it into a whole story.

http://www.fictionnovelsandshortstories.blogspot.co.uk/
http://www.dansdrumlessons.com

Wannabedrummer
Advanced Contributer

United Kingdom
777 Posts

Posted - 02/08/2012 : 23:34:57

Erm, were you watching me?

Tama (well, a badge on the bass), Zildjian, Grandad-made tambourine, Premier HD heads (8 years old now, and still going strong). Could do with lessons! http://s872.photobucket.com/albums/ab285/AnthonyOConnell/My%20Drum%20Kit/

New Boy
Advanced Contributer

United Kingdom
5147 Posts

Posted - 03/08/2012 : 12:53:01

Pure Class Yard. Just bought Mrs C the Trilogy;-)

Free the Tempus one - The missing thread lives on!
(Carrera, Highwood, Amedia,Paiste).
http://www.saraban.co.uk/

rytenuff
Advanced Contributer

United Kingdom
3511 Posts

Posted - 03/08/2012 : 13:16:30

Excellent!
Pinched, Thanks.

Regards
George Mac

http://www.rytenuff.com/

WendyB
Advanced Contributer

United Kingdom
5644 Posts